The Bible is such an interestingly complex book. Though it is the infallible Word of God, so many interpretations can lead people in a myriad of directions. So many people have used the Bible as a weapon to hurt others. When you've decided to enter the four walls of the church, you don't expect to endure suffering at the hands of other Christians. Unfortunately, church hurt is widespread, one of the main reasons many Christians ultimately leave. If you've been in a position where you're trying to heal from church hurt, consider the following tips.
1. You're Not Alone
Dealing with church hurt can lead you to feelings of isolation and despair. The place that was supposed to serve as a safe haven turned into a den of wolves for you. Know that you're not alone in how you feel. Unfortunately, you're not the first one who has experienced hurt in the church, and you won't be the last. On a bigger scale, remember that Jesus knows the feeling of being hurt by people he loved so deeply. Christ knows what feeling rejected, lied to, and abandoned is like. Even though it feels so personal, this experience is more common than you realize.
2. Seek Professional Help
However, the trauma you've experienced is real. Do not try to negate it or sweep it under the rug. You have to deal with the pain, or it'll fester and transform your personality. You don't want to become like the people who hurt you. Therefore, seek out professional help. Talk to a licensed therapist who has a background in Christendom as well. When they can understand the context of your pain, it makes it even more effective to create practical solutions that suit you as an individual and as a Christ-follower.
3. Consider the Commonalities
If the pain comes from a group of people, it's good to consider their commonalities. Even though you might be dealing with a group of adults, adults can be bullies. If you've encountered a group of mean women, consider their commonality. They probably dealing with their own level of insecurities. It's not unusual for people to band together based on their shared trauma. You'll become an easy target if you show up as a physical representation of what they lack. This doesn't excuse their behavior, but it'll help provide a better context for why they are the way they are.
4. Read the Bible for Yourself
Dealing with church hurt might leave you feeling you don't want anything to do with Christians. While this is understandable, try to have a different response. Feed on the word of God, and use it as your inspiration to improve. You don't want to be like the people who hurt you. Instead, you want to be a walking representation of God's love. This doesn't mean that you're a doormat. Instead, it means you know how to be disciplined, wise in scriptural knowledge, and discerning. Study the stories of warriors like David, Esther, and Joseph to learn how to persevere in tough times.
5. Develop Your Own Relationship with God
Allow this season to help you mold and mature your relationship with God. Be honest about how you feel. Instead of venting to friends and family members, talk to God about your problems. Keep a prayer journal, and write down your prayer requests, pain points, and victories. As you develop a personal relationship with God, you'll be able to recognize his hand in your life more clearly.
6. Set Boundaries with Others
As a Christ-follower, you're called to a life of love. This doesn't mean you're constantly available, self-sacrificing, and spineless. Instead, practice the art of boundaries. Look for ways Jesus set up boundaries as he served others. Consider the ways he tended to his own needs. Read books that teach you how to implement limits to protect yourself, your relationships, and your sanity.
7. Ask for a Discerning Spirit
Discernment isn't just for knowing when people are evildoers with bad intentions. Discernment also helps you know what to say, when, and how to say it. Discernment enables you to connect with the right people. As you pray, ask God to give you an undeniable gift of wisdom. Discernment also goes hand in hand with reading the word of God. As you read more, you'll learn about the character of God. As you recognize his nature, it's easier to discern when people operate outside of it.
8. Cultivate Friendships with Other Believers
Life isn't meant to be lived in isolation. While it's good to want time alone, make sure you're also connecting with people. Whether it's a weekly phone call with a fellow believer (who's spiritually healthy) or a dinner date with a few volunteers from the local church ministry, connect with believers who edify your spirit. Sure, it might feel vulnerable at first, but it's one of the best steps to take toward healing. Even though people can hurt you deeply, people can also take part in healing you.
9. Remind Yourself of Who You Are to God
Dealing with church hurt can affect your self-esteem, confidence, and more. You'll have to actively fight against negative feelings by repeating the word of God to yourself. Write down scriptures connected to how God loves you as his child. Meditate on scriptures that remind you of the thoughts God thinks toward you. Remind yourself that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. As you rebuild your sense of confidence, that church hurt will disappear.
The process of healing from church hurt isn't linear; it requires you to give yourself grace, recognize your triggers and protect yourself. However, you won't be in this negative space forever. Plenty of people heal and move on to experience the goodness of God in new communities of believers. Whether you enter a new church, leave the church altogether, or return to the familiar, cling to the words of Joshua 1:9 and "be strong and courageous because the Lord is with you wherever you go."
To Thy Matchless Glory 👑